January 19, 2012 ~Confessions of a Tired Black Man~

I get early about 5 to 6 days a week and work long hard hours to provide for us both but, mainly for you. I never come home without offering to bring you something back whether it's a household item or food. I'm honest with you even when there are no reasons for me to be. I try to be the best man that I can be but still, Im not your man, nor boyfriend, nor fiance'; Im just a constant suspect in my own home. I've been down this long road before of trying to make someone happy but they constantly assume that you are commiting infidelity. And people wonder why I am so afraid of love? She is my fiance'' what part of that is being mis-understood? I would've never asked if I thought that I was just going to play you. *sigh* I guess it really does not matter about how much that you love someone or how much love that you give to them despite the scars and pain that you feel on the inside. I'm hurting, I can't lie about that but I came to realization a long time ago that I can't make every woman in my life happy. It almost makes me regret getting this home for us, makes me believe the work I put in was entirely in vein, makes me believe that love does not love me back. Im questioning whether it's me or not, I wonder could I be the problem in our relationship. Sometimes love is not enough I guess.