A Life of Meaning

January 26th, 2012  ~A Life of Meaning~

I heard that in life, we can only live for two purposes only. The first, to live life with meaning; The second, to live a life of happiness. When you live a life of happiness, all your decisions are absolute. It matters not what you did yesterday nor what you are going to do tomorrow and the day after that. You are perfectly intertwined with your decisions and they intertwined with you. When you choose to live a life of meaning, you live day to day looking for a greater purpose in life; something greater than ones self. Everything you do and say effects the better parts of your day when you live a life of meaning. You constantly obsess over the past as well as the present looking for greater time and value throughout your day, hoping that it all leads to mean something you are content with; Which one are you living?? Which one am I living???
      I often catch myself wondering which life am I living or leading. Do I live a life searching for meaning and a higher purpose? Or do I lead a life of happiness? I think I have found my answer---A Life of Meaning.
      My past constantly comes back to haunt me but sometimes it comes back to torture me or often tease. Allowing me to believe that I can have something that does not belong to me in no way, shape or form. It's nothing like a bad dream or a preminition/illusion. It's reality and you are wide awake, your stomach churns and your body weakens, oxygen is sucked from the very depths of your lungs. Your mind drifts away from you as if you have no control of your own emotions and/or thoughts anymore, you are a mere puppet to your own emotions. Do you wanna know what scares me the most? All of these fears, thoughts, emotions, pains, etc. they can all be caused by one human being.
           I was told that men are only allowed 3 great women in their whole entire life and once you lose those 3 chances, your out. What if that was all wrong? What if you are allowed that one that may take hold of your heart forever and never let it go? Possibly a fourth woman or a significant one out of the 3?
I am starting to believe that there is that one person who could possibly hook you for eternity. No matter how much pain you put each other through or even if/when they end up with someone other than you, you love them unconditionally even when you undoubtebly believe that you are no longer interested. They cling to you; mind, body, heart, soul & spirit all bonded to you and hooked to you. You may go days, months, even years without seeing this person but when that day comes that you see them again, that one special day/night; It all comes rushing back as if it never left. You can hate them all you want and put them off as if they never existed and you hate everything about their existence but even when you do not know the truth, your heart does.
    I guess thats what "A Life of Meaning" is like. Your past comes back to haunt you, making you alter your present, and then inquire deeply and whole heartedly about your future. You look for purpose within yourself, within this world but also within someone else because you never know when they can be that one person to give your Life a greater purpose or Meaning.